


Push

by Queenie_004



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Boys In Love, F/M, Jealousy, Love Triangles, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 15:30:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14216202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenie_004/pseuds/Queenie_004
Summary: He still didn’t know why she’d broken up with him. He couldn’t get her to talk to him and the girls were no help. Izzy just looked at him sadly and said things like, “I don’t know either Finn, she really, really fancied you” which was less than helpful and Chloe sort of pretended he and Rae had never gone out at all which just pissed him off...And now there was bloody Liam. That was his name for him—Bloody Liam who seemed to be by Rae’s side all the time lately.Like all writers I crave feedback! Please share in the comments if you have any and thank you for reading!





	Push

He still didn’t know why she’d broken up with him. He couldn’t get her to talk to him and the girls were no help. Izzy just looked at him sadly and said things like, “I don’t know either Finn, she really, really fancied you” which was less than helpful and Chloe sort of pretended he and Rae had never gone out at all which just pissed him off. In general he was mad at Chloe because she brought Rae into the gang and if she hadn’t then he wouldn’t have even met her or been a dick to her, or realized how cool she was and fell stupidly in love with her. He wouldn’t be living with a bruised heart and a mind that couldn’t stop retracing every minute they’d been together for clues on why they weren’t anymore.

And now there was bloody Liam. That was his name for him—Bloody Liam who seemed to be by Rae’s side all the time lately. There they were giggling at lunch and here they are side by side whispering in the lounge. Now there’s a rumor that she’s going to fight his crazy girlfriend Amy over him. Over Bloody Liam! He feels the blood rise in his cheeks even contemplating something so ridiculous. If anyone should be fighting over anyone it should be him versus Bloody Liam for Rae and he would have him down in one punch. Just like he did to Big G when he was bullying her and he’d acted on a protective instinct he didn’t even know he possessed. He thinks that may be the moment that their feelings for each other pivoted from tolerating one another to something a lot more complex. When she’d thanked him he’d gone all shy—he never went shy in front of girls! But she’d been so sincere and her voice was so different and sweet and that was it, he was sure of it. That was when they moved to the next level with each other.

And what fucking level were they on now? Apparently the one where he couldn’t get over her and she had waltzed right along into the arms of Bloody Liam with his stupid caps and his mouthing off to teachers. He could not for the life of him understand what she even saw in this loudmouth who had a damn girlfriend already. What did he need _his_ girlfriend for? Shit. He had to stop doing that. She was not his girlfriend anymore she had made it clear she didn’t want to be. But the why, the why kept him up at night and made him smoke twice as much. The why made him drink a lot at the pub and drunkenly attempt to make mix tapes that he could almost believe would win her back. He’d even taken to interrogating Archie on why she broke up with him but he was utterly useless as he seemed more interested in hanging out with a bunch of knobheads than spending time with Rae and getting info he could give him on what was going on with her and Bloody Liam.

When it first happened he was so gutted he couldn’t even look at her. He kept his distance from the gang trying to avoid her and spent too much time in his room staring at the ceiling or watching football with his dad but in reality just staring at a different ceiling. He missed her so much it physically hurt he felt raw and something ached inside him he hadn’t felt before, or if he was being honest, he hadn’t felt since his mum had left. He guessed it was loss and got frustrated tracing how the absence of someone he’d only known a few months could compare with being left by your mother for a new life in Spain.

After awhile avoiding her was too hard. He missed her too much he missed her laugh and the way she’d roll her eyes at him; he missed her teasing him and all her endless opinions about bands. He missed holding her face to kiss her and the deliciously dazed look she’d have when he stopped. He just wanted her back and he realized he would take her in any way she’d let him—even if it was just as friends again. Once he decided this he started to feel a bit better. And once he approached her about it and she sighed with relief as if she’d missed him too he made another decision: he was going to win her back. Since he didn’t know what he’d done to cause her to toss him aside the last time, he couldn’t quite avoid making the same mistakes. But with a goal in sight he threw himself into making sure Rae Earl would be his girl again.

But now Bloody Liam was muddying everything up and it was hard to get Rae alone. He didn’t want to seem desperate but the less opportunity he had to be near her and the more time she spent with that wanker, the more he realized he was probably starting to look like a puppy begging for a cuddle. And the mental part was he didn’t even care—he never trailed after girls like this, he didn’t have to! And he never strategized how to get them to go out with him—he had his pick of any bird since puberty. So why was the girl he wanted more than anything the one who rejected him? Why was the only girl he liked spending all her time with Bloody Liam instead of him?

He offered to teach her how to fight so she could defend herself in this insane battle over Bloody Liam. It finally got them alone and he tried not to show how thrilled he was to have her to himself again for the first time in weeks. She looked so cute that throwing punches at the mitts was hard because he wanted to keep looking at her face. But then they talked about Bloody Liam. He was trying to get her to admit he was weird that he wasn’t her type. She said they weren’t dating and that made his whole body come to attention, but then she started in on how Bloody Liam wasn’t so bad and was really into his music. And his body tensed and he punched the mitts so hard he nearly knocked her over. Music was their thing it was what they bonded over and argued about, it was how they communicated when they couldn’t yet define their feelings for one another. And now she was fucking connecting with Bloody Liam about _their_ thing? He felt like she was cheating on him.

After that he started running again which he hadn’t done for years. It helped him burn off the fury that ran through his veins about Rae and Bloody Liam. Plus it tired him out so when he got home he could sleep and not stare endlessly while listening to the unfinished mix tapes he’d made for her. He also ran because it gave him an excuse to go past places where he might see her and even though he knew that edged him incredibly close to being a creeper, he couldn’t stop himself from hoping he’d see her alone so he could somehow work up the courage to ask her why she broke up with him and what he could do to make this part of their story end.

And it was when he was out running that he saw them together. He was nearing the hospital where his Nan died and thinking about her for once and not Rae. The muscles in his legs felt fired up and he’d been doing it so much lately that he didn’t tire so quickly anymore. It was as he was remembering his Nan’s Sunday roast that Rae and Bloody Liam caught his eye. They were across the car park from the hospital entrance and they had their heads bent together and they looked intense. He slowed and watched them they weren’t even touching but there was some thread between them and he even squinted as if he’d be able to see what it was. They had a secret together. Now he was sure of it and he didn’t know if they were secretly dating behind Amy’s back or Christ—just fucking—he choked on his own breath just thinking it—but there was something going on between them that didn’t fit with Rae’s nonchalant dismissal of them being an item.

Just like the last time their destinies changed when he smashed his fist into someone’s face for her, he did not think as he jogged towards them and ran right up to where they were still standing engrossed in each other. Bloody Liam noticed him first and raised an eyebrow at him. Finn wanted to punch him so badly in that damn eyebrow that he actually felt his fingers curl into a fist. “Hiya” he said as Rae turned to look at him with surprise written across her face. “Finn—what ya doin’ here?” she looked confused as she looked him up and down he remembered in that second that he had pulled his shirt off a few paces ago. This was probably not a good look the ex puffing his bare chest out to his opponent in front of the girl. “I’m gonna go” Bloody Liam said and Finn felt the corner of his mouth go up in victory, also not a good look but he was clearly past caring at this point. “No, Liam, you don’t hafta go” Rae reached her hand out and put it on Bloody Liam’s arm and Finn thought he was honestly going to start shouting and he’d lose her for good.

“Finn we’re having a private chat here, d’ya mind? I’ll find you later at the pub, yeah?” She was choosing Bloody Liam over him. He couldn’t quite believe it but he also felt like he’d known all along that she would. And still he couldn’t stop himself from talking, “Rae can I talk to ya? I really need to talk to ya.” She looked at Bloody Liam and he saw something flicker between them and he was very much about to lose it and realized he did not know how to back out of this now. “Rae…” Bloody Liam started and he even hated the way her name sounded coming out of his mouth, “I gotta get home, but I can stay if you need me.” Finn huffed as if she needed Bloody Liam to protect her. The girl had punched him square in the jaw! They should all be protecting themselves from her right hook and her ability to pull your heart out of your chest and crush it in front of you.

But then she sighed and dropped her hand off the bastards arm and said, “It’s fine. We’ll talk tomorrow, yeah?” and he nodded and turned to go and Finn felt a thrill go up his spine because she’d chosen him. It was a small victory but it was a start. Except, not quite. “What in the fuck are you doing Finn Nelson?” she turned on him and her eyes were wide and cheeks pink with anger and his foolish bravery slipped away and he understood what an utter dickhead he’d just been. “You show up out of nowhere looking like, like, _this_ ” she gestures at his naked torso, “are you following me? Did you bloody follow me like some sort of stalker?” She was proper riled up and for a moment he was speechless but then he felt his own blood begin to boil a bit. “Are you datin’ him? Tell me the truth this time.” Her eyes narrowed, “that’s none of your fucking business.” “Why can’t you just admit it Rae? Admit that you like him better than me. Why are you lyin' about it?” “I’m not lyin’ Finn.” She turned and started walking away from him and he couldn’t believe it he went after her and when he caught up he lowered his voice, “I still like you Rae. A lot. I miss you a fucking ton and I don’t get it.” She slowed and looked at him, “don’t get what?” “I don’t get…” he knew he had to choose his words carefully now even though that was something he was not good at, “I don’t get why you broke up with me. I don’t get why you don’t want me but you want him. I don’t know what I did and I don’t know how to fix it because I want so badly to fix it Rae, I really do. How can I fix it?”

The words had tumbled out and he realized how quiet it was around them. Rae’s expression softened and she bit her lip and he wanted so badly to grab her and kiss her but he knew they were on a tightrope at this moment, one that he had forced them both on to, so he kept his hands to himself and his mouth shut as she seemed to gather up courage to answer him. “Oh, Finn” she sighed, “I’m not datin’ Liam. Honest. We’re just friends and we share something that we can’t talk about to other people.” Her eyes flicker to the hospital behind him and his brain suddenly snaps the puzzle together. “Was he in hospital with you?” “I can’t answer that.” That’s it, that’s the mystery. That’s the intangible thing they have that he couldn’t make out but knew existed. He doesn’t know whether to feel elated or ashamed that he’s been jealous of someone who has his own dark issues like Rae does. “And I know I owe you an explanation, I owe you a lot Finn and I’m sorry because if there’s one thing I haven’t been honest with you about it’s why I told you I didn’t want to go out with you anymore.” He feels a breath leave his body and it feels like a release he’s been holding in since she came to his door that terrible night.

“I’m sorry Rae, this was a right cock up. I wasn’t followin’ ya I swear. I just saw you together and I lost my mind. I feel like a dick.” “You _were_ a dick” she smiles when she says it and he grins back, this feels more like it, more like his Rae. “Can we talk more? I’ll go anywhere you want.” She looks at him and says, “Maybe. But first you have to do something for me.” He knows how eager he sounds when he answers, “Yeah! Anythin’!” “Put your bloody shirt back on. You looking like that is _way_ too distracting for any red-blooded woman to hold a proper conversation.” He blushes then because that’s the first little sign she’s given him that she’s not over him either. He pulls the shirt out of his waistband and just before it slips over his eyes he catches her giving him a once over, that’s the second sign. “There m’dear, Am I presentable now?” “You also stink” she smirks. Yes, this is his Rae for sure.

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Push / The Cure (1985)
> 
> Go go go  
> Push him away  
> No no no  
> Don't let him stay  
> He gets inside to stare at her  
> The seeping mouth  
> The mouth that knows  
> The secret you  
> Always you  
> A smile to hide the fear away  
> Oh smear this man across the walls  
> Like strawberries and cream  
> Its the only way to be...


End file.
